Forgiveness
by pjtl4e
Summary: Chapter two up. Spoilers-ish- for Ripple Effect
1. Chapter 1

SPOILERS for Hero's (part 2)

Kind of a companion piece to my Ficlet 'Memories' Daniel dealing with his loss while he was hiding in the infirmary.

Hopefully there wil be a second chapter set after Ripple Effect.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate:SG1, the characters, or the ideas. All rights belong to MGM studios.**

* * *

He was hiding, knowing that the only comfort he wanted was from the one person who could not give it as she would have done in any other circumstance, from the one person who would never give it again.

Some one had once told him that you don't tell people how you truly feel until it's too late, at the time he had heard the words, but he hadn't fully comprehended the meaning until now, with his body curled against the cold unit in the light-less room, images swam through his mind of lost, forgotten moments; a sweet smile brimming with relief as she saw him return safely from another mission; a stolen fleeting glance of concern whenever he ended up in her care for whatever mishap he had managed; a gentle, fingertip caress as she passed him yet another cup of coffee and watched him work, each memory stored away waiting to be remembered, too late to be acted upon as he allowed the tears to fall openly, unstopped.

He knew now why he had ended up here specifically, after wandering the hallways for hours, generally avoiding base personal and their well-meaning but unwelcome sympathy.

This was the room where she had excelled, where many of them had fought for their lives and she had helped them win.

This was the room where she had held his hand for three days on one of the rare occasions her powers of healing couldn't help, where she had whispered soothing sounds through his pain, sobbed as she realised he was losing his battle, foregoing sleep so that she could be there for him, to comfort the others. This was the room where she had cried as he had stood and watched, unseen and unable to stop her tears any more than he could stop his own right now, when she thought he was lost to them forever.

Now the room felt cold dark and empty without her, without the brightness of her smile and the commanding presence that always emanated from her petite form. Cold, dark and empty just as he was feeling right now, images flashed through his mind of the moments before he lost her, allowing him to slowly, painfully relive every second, each image a reminder of what he had lost. The blast; the dull thud as her body hit the ground; his stunned slow reaction; the look in her eyes as he held her, a mixture of fear, trust and something else he couldn't identify at the time, and finally the light leaving her eyes as he watched her die. The deep hurting realisation that once again someone he cared about was being ripped from him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

With the metal of the cabinet cool against his forehead as he crouched in the corner, in the dark, hiding from the doorway he whispered apology's into the unlit room, for not protecting her, for not giving himself the chance to love her, knowing that they went unheard.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, slightly different style from the last couple of ficlets I've written, and I haven't done dialogue in years so please forgive me if it seems a bit stilted.

**SPOILERS** for Ripple Effect.

Let me know what you think. :)

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Daniel allowed his mind to wander back through the short time they had spent together. The conversation clear in his mind.

She had found him working, hiding, in his office. He knew that she would come, the unspoken question had been in her eyes and he had simply nodded, knowing instinctively what she was asking.

The coffee she handed him was too hot, her automatic 'doctor' reflex's took over, when he distractedly scorched his lips on the liquid. Grabbing a cloth and wetting it with cool water, smiling gently at him

He tried not to look directly at her, tried not to remember happier times with the same person, the memories stronger than ever. Only he knew it wasn't her, she looked the same, spoke the same, laughed and even walked the same way, but she wasn't the person he had lost.

The silence that followed was uneasy, each of them wanting to ask the questions they had avoided whilst surrounded by the others, neither wanting to be the first to speak.

Slowly she walked around the cluttered room, picking up small items, turning them over in her hands. She stopped in front of the shelving eyes resting on the photo of her identical counterpart before turning to him.

"You miss her, Don't you?"

The question was plain, simple and he knew there was only one answer.

"Yes, everyday. Is it that obvious?"

"Maybe not to everyone, but I am her, I know you, well, my version of you at least."

The smile was identical, and his heart broke as he turned to face her.

"I couldn't save her. I should have told her...I never got the chance to tell her..." The words were whispered, the unspoken one's an admittance he had never allowed out loud.

Daniel turned away, powerless to halt the images running through his mind of that one day, helpless to stop the tears tracking down his face.

"Maybe not here, not everywhere but somewhere you did, I'm here because you saved me. And just because you never told her, doesn't mean she didn't know, that she didn't feel the same way."

Daniel span around, allowing her to see the emotions flowing from him, searching her face for the deception he thought should be there. Reluctantly he had looked away, unwilling to face the answer to his next question.

"Did I tell you?"

"Eventually...You struggled to forgive yourself that I had been so badly hurt."

Looking up, he found she had stepped closer, was less than reaching distance from him. He knew that the surprise he felt was evident on his face, but he allowed her to pull him to his feet and wrap his arms around her small frame. Burying his face into her hair he permitted the tears to come.

"I couldn't save her... I couldn't save you..."

He repeated his earlier statement, knowing now that she understood.

She lifted her head and stared at him until he had caught her eye. Lifting her arms and pulling his head towards her she gently whispered in his ear.

"I forgive you."

Feeling his body relax she had watched his face to make sure he had understood, then gently brushed her lips against his, letting him know he didn't have to say it for her to know.

Daniel held her now, so tight that neither of them could breath, he realised for the first time in a long while he no longer felt guilty, that he felt free.

He still didn't want to let her go again and saying goodbye seemed like an impossible task but she wasn't his to keep, she had her own life, her own Daniel, they were happy.

And finally so was he.


End file.
